"Something About Wives"

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
----------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we
met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-Milton Berle
------------------------------------------------------------

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was
water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?"
She replied,"In the lake."
-Henny Youngman
--------------------------------------------------------------

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
-----------------------------------------------------------------

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I
was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and

didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than
to let him keep her.
---------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't
like to
interrupt her.
----------------------------------------------------------

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I
got myself two girlfriends.
---------------------------------------------------------

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to
report it since the thief was spending much less than
his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------

;Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
----------------------------------------------------------

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost
to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
----------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa, a
Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------------------

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real

happiness was until I got married; then it was too
late.
----------------------------------------------------------

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
--------------------------------------------------------

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a
millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the
friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
----------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over
experience.
----------------------------------------------------------

It's not true that married men live longer than single
men.
It only seems longer.
----------------------------------------------------------

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was
almost
impossible.
------------------------------------------------------

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through
life Thinking they had no faults at all.
----------------
-----------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such
a man.
----------------------------------------------------------

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask
for
whatever he wants,
But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give me a
million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
---------------------------------------------------------

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
----------------------------------------------------------

The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is
to forget it once.

Heights of miscommunication...

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility,
an English woman was planning a trip to a country where English was not a common language. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local
schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house
contained a WC.

In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC.

Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house. A bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.
As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early.

There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband.
It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was
wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time!
I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it
is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster.

------- This was sent by Vamsee to sarasarasai groups------